Don't cheat on your current relationship. I always thought it felt that way because I was super insecure about the relationship but I guess is never a fun thing to happen even if you trust your GF 100%, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Use your judgment to figure out if he might still have feelings for you or if he has completely moved on. Probably the contrast between ex and current gfs is what’s making you feel this way. Even when you're ready to end things and move on, there is an inevitable post-split mourning period. Your ex needs to experience life without you and get hurt before he or she will even think about coming back to you. Some signs your ex is pretending to be over you are as apparent as day, while other signs are more subtle and ambiguous. When you practice shifting, the intrusive thoughts about your Ex will get weaker. I blamed myself for most of the … We had been arguing often by that point and we would say some pretty mean things to each other we each admitted later were verbally abusive. I was loyal and kind but also shy and inexperienced, I just wanted to have fun with my dream girl and treat her right, she had been on a few serious relationship before and lots of hookups. 16. You might think you've moved on — and believe it — but, suddenly, you realize that you're still thinking about your ex. 1. When things went well she made me feel desired and like a queen, she made me want to work to better myself. I do agree I should be cuttings things off with her but also believe I should allow myself some time to give s thought to all this situation. And then I’ll think about how she would be complaining about watching baseball and I immediately stop missing her.” — Ben, 27. I was no contact this whole time except for only some ocasional small stalkering on social media and catch-ups through friends in common. I don't really know why I'm doing this but we will see eachother for a coffee in a couple days. My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You to your friends: "I'm so over my ex." Eventually, I thought I was liberated of this feelings and happy in a new relationship, now I'm thinking I just tried to ignore them and suppress them just as I sign of respect to my new gf or to convince I was happy enough. To me, it looks like it was a good balance for me, I had support to do things I that was to shy to do for myself, improved my social skills, tried a lot of new things and met fun people, and gained confidence. I think we only went out for a year. And remember that if you can, you should just ask him so you can get an honest answer. It is the “if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist”, and “if you don’t acknowledge it, it never happened” mind-bending technique. Really look into why. I thought I was over my ex, but apparently I am not My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about 2 and a half years before breaking up in January of this year. On top of that she has a super clear and successful career path. edit II: I know I'm being an asshole to my current GF, I'm hating myself for it. It didn’t matter. Also. Shifting is important because the thoughts we habitually think about get stronger. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? You Catch Yourself Almost Texting Him. If no, then you should probably let this go. If anyone has any advise of what I should or shouldn't do, it will be greatly welcome. Writing the same thing over and over can actually help make your thoughts less intrusive. Decide that you will set 15 minutes at the beginning or end of the day – and maybe a 15 minute stint at lunch, too – to simply obsess. We had a painful four months of hanging on until the bitter end, ending our year and a half long relationship. She stills studying and the very few career paths on which she has shown interest don't seem too profitable. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. After a lot of introspection, I realized that the reason I got over my ex so quickly is because I started to see him for who he truly was instead of just who I thought he was. If your ex recently broke up with you, ... even if you need to write the same thing 20 times. You're so over them … I'm hoping that after talking for a bit with her I realise that there is nothing left from the person that I loved, maybe even dislike her and forget about any chance of getting back with her. Now, to the main reason of this post: I stumbled upon her a few days ago and all those feelings came back. Thought I was over my ex but meeting her after 7 years broke me. I (F29) broke up with first gf (F29) 7 years ago, dated other people, fell in love, was happy and thought I was over it. Don't be a piece of shit. Nothing like thinking about your Ex having sex with someone new to rip the slowly healing scab right off again. The break up was ugly AF, she dumped me and said pretty bad things to me. I'm hoping I get closure this way because definetly the no contact thing has not worked. Three big lies we tell ourselves that keep us stuck in old relationships. They learned how to forgive themselves. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. [Find out what the variables mean here.] I’m not over my ex but there’s a thought in my head now. edit: if you can't understand why I would like to go back with this person k don't do neither but it just feels that way. I hired my therapist eight months after my ex and I finally broke up. My head conquered my heart. I am 100 percent over the loss of our relationship, which was great at times but a bad fit in a lot of different ways. Ouch. One time it took me two years (years!) This isn’t about winning, how quickly you get into the new relationship depends on your needs and preferences. If you can’t bear the thought of not thinking about the breakup, then set a specific time to let your obsessive thoughts about your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend take over your mind, body, and soul. But you might know it by heart. We didn't even date that long. If your ex-spouse was selfish and mean, ... "If you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." If no contact didn’t work, you need to find out why? This might be a stretch but he mentioned that he hooked up with a male when he was drunk, but only because he was drunk and wouldn’t do … Most people think the main reason for that gnawing pain is because you lost “the love of your life." The man I loved would never hurt me the way you did. For a lot of women, deleting his number from your phone is the best option. I hadn’t loved anyone that way before him and I don’t think I can again. I don't miss our relationship though, just parts of things we shared. That's a really dumb idea. The relationship was a rollercoaster, we broke up and came back together all the time, I was depressed, poor, and lonely. Totally. She started a new relationship shortly after we broke and I was completely devastated. I (F29) broke up with first gf (F29) 7 years ago, dated other people, fell in love, was happy and thought I was over it. I know that one of the reasons we broke up was because my ex was feeling herself in a similar way I'm feeling now about my current relationship but things have change a lot for me in these years + she didn't make half the efforts I have made. It’s become an obsession that you can’t let go. It's especially hard when you thought you were getting over your Ex, but then they move on with a new partner, and the feelings flare up all over again. If you see your ex with someone new and this causes you pain, take my words of advice seriously. The anger I felt after the breakup fade away after some months, the feeling that I was missing the most impressive girl I was ever going met stayed a bit longer. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. 2. That being said, after we met we chatted a bit and agreed on meeting up. He spent a couple months treating me like I was nothing, finally ended things, and then dragged the relationship on as if I was his backup plan. Would you want her to do to you, what she is doing to her current partner? Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. Why would you want her back if she cheated on you and treated her horribly? Also, we have a hometown in common, we don't currently live there but I have always seen that as a positive point because it makes easier things such as holidays or choosing a place to retire + the lifetime memories and similar background. You can’t stop thinking about the divorce. The no contact thing did work, until you fucked it up by getting in contact again via friends and whatnot. Let’s walk through the whole process together: You get stabbed in the brain with the image of your Ex having hot sex with the new person. The ups were awesome, absolutely the happiest times of my life but during the downs I literally wanted to die. Your ex is not only in denial, they are trying to void the break-up because they think you made a mistake ending the relationship, and want you also to think you made a mistake. I have tried to get rid of them but they are here. , 2 or 3 more if your thought i was over my ex reddit that you can ’ t.. 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